I thought I had love and life figured out. Then my boyfriend of seven years dumped me right before our college graduation and my seemingly perfect parents announced they were getting divorced after 30 years of marriage.
Everything I thought I knew about love was erased in a matter of days and my first amazing summer as an official adult was officially… different.
Thanks to my friends, I’ve mostly recovered and feel ready to dip my toe in the dating pool. I’m thrust into a new world of dating filled with apps, emoticons, and acronyms. Swipe this, tag that…
WTF does DTF even mean??
I’m off to a rocky start, starting with a guy we’ve nicknamed Mr. Chompy. It doesn’t get much better from there…
“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” Anette said, barely stifling a laugh.
I shot her a long-suffering look and grabbed a can of Diet Coke out of the fridge. “It was bad. Horrific, train wreck, body-parts-flung-from-the-wreckage kind of bad.”
I nudged Zach’s legs off the coffee table as I pushed by to take my seat on the sofa. I couldn’t help a sadistic smile when he moaned. “Hey, now. Just because you had a foul date doesn’t mean you have to…”
Both Anette and Zach exchanged glances, the pair of them now fully focused on the horror show that had become my date for the evening.
“I’m sorry… he what?” Anette giggled.
“Allow me to demonstrate. You’re me.” I turned towards Zach on the sofa, my knee wedged tightly against his body. “We were at his house, sitting this close, and started making out. Everything seemed fine. Then he does this move with his hand,” I explained as I slid my hand along the side of his jaw and into the shaggy hair at the back of his head. I looked to Anette and shrugged. “Hot, right?”
“Oh yeah, I’m all tingly over here,” she conceded, crossing her arms.
“And we kiss,” I added, leaning in for the full effect. Zach stiffened, probably afraid I would actually kiss him. “He pulls back, makes this bizarre face and chomps.” I open my mouth as wide as my date had and clack my teeth together with a violent CHOMP.
I pause for a second and then throw my hands in the air as if declaring victory in the I Swear I’m Not Making This Up competition. Shock washed over their faces as I allowed the scene to sink in.
“I still don’t understand,” Zach frowned.
“That face, right there! That’s the face I think I was making… the first time.”
Anette threw her ass down on the coffee table and stared at me incredulously. “Hold on. The first time? This nutjob did this more than once?”
“You let this nutjob do this more than once?” Zach added.
I smoothed my hair out with both hands and sighed. “I didn’t want to be mean. Maybe he has a tic, or Tourette’s. At the very least, I hoped he’d had something stuck in his teeth he was trying to get out.”
“Because flossing with your face makes absolutely perfect sense. Yep.”
I rolled my eyes at her and continued retelling my night from hell. “But he kept doing it. And that’s when I realized the funny face he was making was supposed to be sexy. It was like he’d learned seduction techniques from a Looney Toons cartoon.”
Anette patted me comfortingly on the knee and returned to getting ready for work. “Well, at least you have the story to remember him by. You might have nightmares about denture-wearing zombies chasing you for the next few weeks, but whatever.”
“That wasn’t the worst part,” I intoned, unsure if I even wanted to reveal this section of my night. Maybe I should take it to the grave…
Title: Chronicles of a Serial Dater – Book 1
Author: Adele Huxley & Savan Robbins
Series: Chronicles of a Serial Dater #1
A highly promising short episode in this new series, this was wonderfully funny and completely left me wanting to consume the next one. It was made even funnier, and in some cases mortifying and cringey, from being based on true events. The characterisation was great and managed to form strong ideas of each one within just a few short pages. This is definitely a series to keep an eye on.
1st prize – $25 Amazon gift card + ebook of Chronicles of a Serial Dater
2nd prize – $5 Starbucks gift card
5 winners will also receive an ebook of Chronicles of a Serial Dater
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